


come a little closer

by poise



Series: i’d give you all my stars [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, College, M/M, Roommates, Seemingly unrequited love, Yearning, renjun really just needs a hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:27:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27859809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/poise/pseuds/poise
Summary: It’s funny, he thinks, how someone so close could feel miles away. They’re facing each other and Jaemin was merely an arm’s reach away from his bed. All Renjun had to do was extend his hand out and he’d be able to feel the warmth he so longs for. The warmth he so badly yearns on lonely, sleepless nights like this.But still, it feels like they’re seas apart.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Side Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin - Relationship
Series: i’d give you all my stars [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2065665
Comments: 6
Kudos: 89





	come a little closer

**Author's Note:**

> i had a surge of inspiration while listening to [good looking](https://open.spotify.com/track/5ZjV4yevHO1QhMw8AjyQbZ?si=QegCj6R8T82gjB8jZeA-nw) by suki waterhouse. i highly recommend u to listen to it while reading this :]

Renjun rolls around in place for what feels like the 10th time that night. He’s sure the left side of his body would be covered in those little prints in the morning from his pressed bedsheets. The right side of his body already feels numb. 

With a huff, he rolls himself on his back, letting his gaze fall over those stupid glow-in-the-dark stars Jaemin suggested they should stick on the ceiling. It’s been an inconvenience for Renjun ever since they keep falling off and onto his face in the middle of the night.  _ Cheap glue and cheap paint that keeps peeling off the ceiling, _ Renjun thinks. 

One time, he was rudely awoken by one falling directly in his mouth mid snore (Jaemin never lets him forget about that one) and another time, Renjun jumped out of his bed when something sharp had started poking at his calf. He almost screamed bloody murder thinking it was some baby scorpion or other stinging animal that had managed to slither its way into his bed. 

They must be cursed, he thinks, because he’s never, ever seen them fall on Jaemin’s side of the room. It’s clean and tidy, as always. Jaemin’s side of the room looks like something straight out of a college Home Depot catalogue, the ones that look absolutely nothing like an actual college dorm room. A small voice in Renjun’s head tells him it’s just because it’s Jaemin. And Jaemin, just like his stupidly tidy side of the room, is perfect. 

The sound of light breathing and crumpled sheets pulls Renjun back to the present time where the moon is out and bright, an unblinking beam in the midnight sky. There are probably actual stars out right now, the kinds that aren’t stuck to the ceiling with cheap glue and fall on your face in the middle of the night. Real stars that shine and twinkle. Real stars that Renjun can’t see from their shitty excuse of a window, the only one they have in the whole room. Real stars that Jaemin yearns to see every night from the window even though he can’t. So he settles for the ones in their room, no matter how cheap and horrible they look. And Renjun, despite his silent grumbles and all the inconvenience they bring, will never have the heart to make Jaemin take them down. Not when it makes him so happy. 

He rolls onto his left, facing Jaemin’s side of the room and meets his sleeping face in the dark.  _ Stupid, _ he thinks for the thousandth time that night. Even in his sleep, Jaemin looks stupidly perfect. There’s barely even any light in the room besides the glowing stars and beaming moonlight outside. But even without the light, Renjun can picture Jaemin’s face in the dark perfectly, like he has committed it to memory. 

His dark, long lashes are most definitely resting against his high cheekbones, the ones that curve upwards and flutter seamlessly when he speaks. Jaemin’s chest is falling and rising to a steady beat, one that Renjun could watch for hours and hours on end and not get bored. His freshly dyed black hair is probably fanned out against the pillow and sometimes, when Renjun wakes up earlier than he does, he thinks it looks like a halo. Graceful and holy—unlike any other being that has been written in the books, and that’s when he knows to look away. When silly thoughts squeeze their way into his head, Renjun knows not to pay them any mind because they’ll always be just that, silly thoughts. 

He laughs silently when he catches the sight of Jaemin’s squished cheek against the pillow. They’re a little red from the pressure, but he looks so comfortable, Renjun can’t help but think how nice it would be to run his fingers through his hair and draw little patterns on his face. Would Jaemin lean into the touch or jolt awake? Would he flutter his soft lashes and offer Renjun a smile? Would he-

Renjun stops himself. Silly thoughts, he has no room for them. 

Especially not when he sees the arm encircling Jaemin’s waist, right next to him, keeping him warm. 

Of course, Jaemin wouldn’t lean in if Renjun were to ever run his fingers through his hair or trace little stars on his face. Jaemin would jerk away, maybe even curse him out and call him weird for ultimately ruining whatever friendship they had. Because Jaemin already has someone for that. Jaemin already has someone that runs their fingers through his hair. Someone to offer his smile to, the kind he only flashes to one person. The kind that Renjun will never, ever get. 

He watches, grimly, as Jaemin sinks deeper into the embrace, arm instinctively curling against Jeno’s. Renjun has no right to be sour really, it’s not like he dislikes Jeno in any way. In fact, he’s actually really sweet and kind. He never oversteps boundaries when it comes to Jaemin and Renjun’s dorm, and always respects Renjun as Jaemin’s roommate—always asking permission before spending the night. Which makes it all the harder for Renjun to hate him, and makes him infinitely guiltier for harbouring any kind of feelings for Jaemin. The bottom line is: Jeno is a great guy and Jaemin definitely deserved someone like him.

But how was Renjun supposed to look Jeno in the eye and pretend he doesn’t want to kiss the living daylights out of his boyfriend?

He bites his tongue and holds his breath when Jaemin leans out of the embrace and unintentionally shifts his head towards Renjun’s side of the room, facing him again with his lips slightly parted. And through the stinging pain that greets his chest, Renjun still manages to let a small laugh escape past his lips. Even sleeping like this, Jaemin still looks perfect—and no scripture, no amount of words could ever describe it. 

It’s funny, he thinks, how someone so close could feel miles away. They’re facing each other and Jaemin was merely an arm’s reach away from his bed. All Renjun had to do was extend his hand out and he’d be able to feel the warmth he so longs for. The warmth he so badly yearns on lonely, sleepless nights like this. But still, it feels like they’re seas apart. 

Sometimes, Renjun will play a game with himself on these kinds of nights to see just how far he’s able to push his limits before caving in and the guilt starts to seep into his bones. He’ll imagine himself in Jeno’s shoes. His wonderful, joyous shoes. He’ll wonder how it feels like to be on the other side of the room, to be curled into Jaemin’s warm brown sheets that smell like nutmeg in the morning. To have Jaemin’s perfectly curved back melt into his chest, pressed so closely to each other as if they were two pieces of a puzzle. Renjun will spend the night thinking of all the ways he’d run his hands through Jaemin’s silky, dark locks and all the wonderful shapes he’d draw on his back. 

He’ll think about going into the night and robbing all the stars in the sky. Real stars, and storing them in his own eyes for safekeeping, for Jaemin to look into any time he wishes. For him to never settle for the cheap stars that decorate their little room. Renjun would rob every planet, every star and every universe if he could, just to see that special smile Jaemin only offers to Jeno. 

Renjun will play this game with himself all night, and when he wakes up in the morning, he’ll pretend he never did. These silly thoughts are secrets for the night, witnessed only by the unblinking moon and Renjun’s yearning soul. 

Jeno will offer Jaemin everything Renjun wishes he could; tender words, soft hands and loving smiles. And all Renjun is able to offer for now is cheap stars on ceilings. 

**Author's Note:**

> [cc](https://curiouscat.me/813na)   
>  [twt](https://mobile.twitter.com/rensfilms)


End file.
